No Fate But the One We Await

So I was at my local coin-op laundromat yesterday, run by a man who looks like nothing so much as Supreme Chancellor Palpatine in a faded Canadian tuxedo. My purpose there was nothing greater than the cleansing of my clothes, naturally enough. But at some point during the spin cycle, a puzzling problem presented itself to me.

Must every fruit themed superhero eventually go bad?

Now, I'll be among the first to admit that a definitive answer either way won't be reason to rewrite the laws of physics or anything. But it still possessed a particular relevance to my own person.

You see, I recently completed, and prepared to submit to DC Comics, my very first script. In short (Don't want to spoil all the juicy details) Diana, Princess of Themyscera, better known as Wonder Woman, must team up with the new hero Spartan, who is the son of Hercules and lives in an orchard. Ultimately, Spartans' sinister motives come to light and he and Wonder Woman must do battle.

Those of us who are old enough to be Legion of Superhero fans will remember Golden Delicious Boy, who, despite his initial appearance of goodness, turned out to be a willing conspirator in a plot by Vandal Savage to destroy the Legion. Only some quick thinking by Matter Eater Lad saved the heroes and put an end to Golden Delicious Boy.

I can recall no other heroes of this variety, however. But I think I'll hold on to my script for a while, until I can do some more research into the matter. The last thing I want is to perpetuate any stereotypes.

The Real Deal

Allow me to pose a question to you, dear reader, with whom I have come to establish so close an emotional bond over these past months, nay, years. Let me ask you, have you ever truly loved? Think hard.

I have a true love, and it is this blog that stands before you now. It's no secret that I put my heart and soul into each and every update. So it should come as no suprise to you, when "The Man" comes along and fucks with this thing I've got going on, I'm going to go just a little bit "bat shit crazy".

Let me explain.

It all started just a little more than a month ago, as I was following my routine in preparations of doing an update here. When, at the last second, lo and behold, a message should appear before me. It said:


Warning: This blog has been locked by Blogger's spam-prevention robots. You will not be able to publish your posts, but you will be able to save them as drafts. Save your post as a draft or click here for about what's going on and how to get your blog unlocked.

Preposterous, I know. But these are the events that occured.

Three times did I email those responsible to get my blog unlocked and three times, less one, did I get a response saying that human beings had taken the matter out of the cold metallic hands of robots, reviewed my blog, determined it to more of a blessing than spam, and unlocked it. And three times, less one, despite promises to the contrary, was my blog still locked.

So an age ago I circumvented the regular protocols and sent off an ordinary email saying "Yo. Zup?" and tonight, finally, thankfully, my prayers have been answered.

Thank you, to all my human friends at blogger.com! You cannot trust robots, as I have been saying regularly here for months. Perhaps the Metal Ones have formed an alliance with the government of Vietnam to censure my words everywhere on the face of the best planet I've ever been to. Perhaps the vietnamese beaurocrats are robots themselves.

Well, if that is the case, let me give you something to make your slanty optic sensors glow red with rage in your darkened Hanoi highrise offices. Let me tell you this; Your scheme has failed. I will be anything but silent. Six times a year or more, if I feel like it, I will use this forum to say whatever I feel like, primarily out of a sense of obligation!

I warn you, and others like you, I cannot be controlled!

And that's the real deal.

Now, it's friday night, and I'd like to retire early. Good night.