Doob LaVey

A clever combination referencing three of my favorite things: Marijuana, The Church of Satan, and the french alphabet.

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Location: Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada

Long story, but briefly: I once saved a town from Dractyl, the vampiric pterodactyl.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Happy Creation Day

Well, as you probably know already, today is what's collequially known as my "birthday"! Well-wishers, please limit the profanities in your wellwishing to four or less.

A few weeks ago, with the impeding arrival of this happy occasion weighing heavily on my mind, the Jehovah's Witnesses were kind enough to slip some literature through my mail slot. I... well, let's go back a bit further than that.

You see, so far far I've been enjoying 2007 a great deal so far. It's probably one of my favorite years in quite a while. Seems like just about everything is coming up in my favour. For example:

2007. 2 007. Get it? Two Double Oh Seven. Like James Bond. I love James Bond!

Second, Ghost Rider sucked... as I hoped it would.;)

Third, the Transformers movie. Who can forget about that! By itself it's enough to turn the worst of years upside down!

2007 is the year I became unemployed. God, how I've been dreaming of this! I can't remember the last time I wanted to work... now I don't have to!

So, as if all that wasn't already enough, this religious factsheet appears on my doorstep and, lo and behold, some curious parallels present themselves to me. Check this out:

Jesus: Died 1974 years ago.
Me: Born in 1974.

Jesus: Died when he was 33.
Me: Turning 33 today.

Jesus:Wore sandals.
Me: Wear sandals (weather permitting).

Jesus: Cannot be considered gainfully employed, as he did not pay his taxes.
Me: Unemployed(as already established).

Jesus: Turns water into wine.
Me: Turns winebottle into empty, turns empty into dime.

Jesus: Turns bread into fish.
Me: Turns bread into fish; Still only half way to tuna sandwich.

Well, I guess by now you can only reach the same, inescapable, conclusion that I have come to. Put into perspective like this, things start making a lot more sense. For example, when God talks to me, he only says stuff like "CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM" and "WAKE UP, YOU'LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL".

Anyway, I have to go. Apparently, "THE TRASH ISN'T GOING TO TAKE ITSELF OUT, YOU KNOW". }:(

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Numbers get the short end

You know, numbers and letters are very similar in that they are the building blocks for some of humanities fundamental concepts: mathematics and language. But numbers get the short end of that stick because the name of each number is a word. and to make words you must have letters. Which sort of suggests to me that letters are more important than numbers, because ifyou cant name the numbers then you dont have numbers. You have unknown quantities.

So I think it might be a good idea that the symbolic form of numbers ("9" for example) shall not only be the name of the number (instead of "nine") and be pronounced via a sound not currently represented by the letters of the alphabet. I have no idea right now what that might sound like but this is a work in progress anyway.

If this all comes to pass, you might wonder if somebody wont start complaining that numbers are more important than letters. That is why I propose this as only a temporary situation, to be undone after 100 years.

I'm just trying to get some ideas out there. Let me know what your solution is, and it just might be featured in your next local crimestoppers segment.