It Happened Not Recently
My adventure began, one morning, with the discovery of a bottle of kaluha in the cupboard. Seeing no alternative, I immediately drank from said bottle, until I was enveloped in a warm glow, and all seemed well with the world.
This, as always, did not last, and my contentedness was quickly supplanted by restlessness. Pouring the remaing kaluha into a silver flask, in the fashion of discreet and practical gentlemen everywhere, I slipped into my clothes and my shoes and ventured out into the wilds of society. What follows are the notes I took as I drunkenly staggered my way across no less than two towns.
12:20 - Arrive at banks' ATM. Scoff aloud at notion of "deposit". Silently curses all within earshot who might be mentally doubting my right to scoff aloud.
12:30 - Decision time. Take bus to parts unknown or get whore? Sip from flask.
12:35 - Arrive at bus stop. Want to take a sip, but security guards seem to have a peculiar interest in me. I must be cautious.
12:45 - On bus. Notice that security guards left as soon as I'm boarding. I sneak a sip before I get on. I'm not really sure where I'm going.
12:55 - Still on bus. Thoughts stray to series of gaffs and failures that compose life. Need a drink.
1:00 - Briefly consider following girl with blotchy complexion off bus. Driver comes back to tell guy behind me to keep feet of seat. You know the rules he says. Suspect this means I won't get away with a sip.
1:10 - Arrive in town of Westbank. Will explore retail opportunities or locate stripper bar.
1:13 - Licence plate "REZ-CAR". Joke enjoyed by indians. Means car is stolen.
1:25 - The towns' entire needs are met by one Extra Foods and one large Zellers. Am horrified by the implications.
1:30 - Cops constantly hovering nearby. Fuck off, pigs.
1:45 - Westbank quarter pounder w/ cheese not nearly as good as Kelowna quarter pounder w/ cheese.
2:15 - First instance of staggering into stuff. Grab latest issue of "King: The Illest Magazine Ever". Peruse sub par article on "The Notorious B.I.G.".
2:20 - Find worst yellow pages in the world. No strip bar section. Also no "C" through "M".
2:25 - Windy and rainy. On bus back home.
3:35 - Real life adventure over. Snuggle into bed for superior dreamland adventures.
This, as always, did not last, and my contentedness was quickly supplanted by restlessness. Pouring the remaing kaluha into a silver flask, in the fashion of discreet and practical gentlemen everywhere, I slipped into my clothes and my shoes and ventured out into the wilds of society. What follows are the notes I took as I drunkenly staggered my way across no less than two towns.
12:20 - Arrive at banks' ATM. Scoff aloud at notion of "deposit". Silently curses all within earshot who might be mentally doubting my right to scoff aloud.
12:30 - Decision time. Take bus to parts unknown or get whore? Sip from flask.
12:35 - Arrive at bus stop. Want to take a sip, but security guards seem to have a peculiar interest in me. I must be cautious.
12:45 - On bus. Notice that security guards left as soon as I'm boarding. I sneak a sip before I get on. I'm not really sure where I'm going.
12:55 - Still on bus. Thoughts stray to series of gaffs and failures that compose life. Need a drink.
1:00 - Briefly consider following girl with blotchy complexion off bus. Driver comes back to tell guy behind me to keep feet of seat. You know the rules he says. Suspect this means I won't get away with a sip.
1:10 - Arrive in town of Westbank. Will explore retail opportunities or locate stripper bar.
1:13 - Licence plate "REZ-CAR". Joke enjoyed by indians. Means car is stolen.
1:25 - The towns' entire needs are met by one Extra Foods and one large Zellers. Am horrified by the implications.
1:30 - Cops constantly hovering nearby. Fuck off, pigs.
1:45 - Westbank quarter pounder w/ cheese not nearly as good as Kelowna quarter pounder w/ cheese.
2:15 - First instance of staggering into stuff. Grab latest issue of "King: The Illest Magazine Ever". Peruse sub par article on "The Notorious B.I.G.".
2:20 - Find worst yellow pages in the world. No strip bar section. Also no "C" through "M".
2:25 - Windy and rainy. On bus back home.
3:35 - Real life adventure over. Snuggle into bed for superior dreamland adventures.
posted by Jamie S. Luxton III | 4:12 PM
2 Comments:
If only every day began with the discovery of a bottle of Kaluha in the cupboard. Then every day would be just as awesome as that day!
*heads to the liquor store*
dreamland adventures rule!!!
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