Have You Been Apprised?
Boris Yeltsin's cellular structure is so infused with vodka, he will decompose slower than Lenin, even if you left Yeltsins' body out in the street. It's true!
The customer is, in actuality, always wrong. And when they're not wrong, they're lying. It's true!
When black children get diarrhea, they think they're melting! It's true!
The almighty sarlacc from Return of the Jedi can swallow a jawa sandcrawler whole. It's true!
Your grandma just pissed herself while a masturbating orderly watched. Also, she can't even remember who you are. It's true!
A scorpion will always sting a frog, even in mid-transit across a pond. It's true!
Aliens only visit earth in secret because they're jewish. It's true!
The reason there is so many pedophiles is because there is so many sexy children. It's true!
John Diefenbakers' first Minister of Foreign Affairs was a giant vulture that was said to look into mens' souls, guzzle tequila like nobodies' business, and fart on command. It's true!
The worst thing in the world to be prison cellmates with is a fire elemental. It's true!
Archduke Franz Ferdinand was shot and killed while test driving Skeletors' "Land Shark" vehicle. It had an open roof. It's true!
Now you know! For more details, try looking on the internet.
The customer is, in actuality, always wrong. And when they're not wrong, they're lying. It's true!
When black children get diarrhea, they think they're melting! It's true!
The almighty sarlacc from Return of the Jedi can swallow a jawa sandcrawler whole. It's true!
Your grandma just pissed herself while a masturbating orderly watched. Also, she can't even remember who you are. It's true!
A scorpion will always sting a frog, even in mid-transit across a pond. It's true!
Aliens only visit earth in secret because they're jewish. It's true!
The reason there is so many pedophiles is because there is so many sexy children. It's true!
John Diefenbakers' first Minister of Foreign Affairs was a giant vulture that was said to look into mens' souls, guzzle tequila like nobodies' business, and fart on command. It's true!
The worst thing in the world to be prison cellmates with is a fire elemental. It's true!
Archduke Franz Ferdinand was shot and killed while test driving Skeletors' "Land Shark" vehicle. It had an open roof. It's true!
Now you know! For more details, try looking on the internet.
posted by Jamie S. Luxton III | 2:08 PM
6 Comments:
A snake's tail, when severed, continues to live 'till sundown. It's true!
The exact centre of a wheel does not move. It's true!
You can see stars in the daytime from the bottom of a well. It's true!
A scorpion in the bucket is worth two in the shoe. It's True!
An Octopus will eat its own arms if it gets really hungry. It's true!
Most toilets flush in E flat. It's true!
Top five reasons the Jews Think Han is a perv... reasons?
1) Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!
2) Sorry about the mess.
3) She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.
4) I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
5) There's an awful lot of moisture in here.
the sarlac could never eat a sandcrawler!
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