Lighting the Darkest Hour

Not many reasons to keep it in my pants this week. First up; Pics of Britney Spears' vagina have been flying 'round all over that internet. I must admit, I was hesitant to look at first. After all, she just had a kid like, two days ago, and I was expecting it to be all stretched and loose, and hanging down out of her skirt like an upside-down pitcher plant.

But I have to say the Britney Box actually doesn't look all that bad. Still, it doesn't take long before the mere sight of the Pop Star Pussy starts to get... unmotivating. I find myself more interested in knowing what it smells like, or if you let a snake loose in there, would it come back out with a gold coin in it's jaws? And would we discover that the coin was real gold by the fang marks in it?

But then, yesterday, something wonderful happened. Yestereday went and became the newest fucking greatest day of all great days.

You know of what I speak... it can only be one thing.

http://uk.promotions.yahoo.com/transformers/

This doesn't seem to be up on the official site just yet, for whatever reason. But this one is still better than the first one I found. This computer I'm on sucks so much, any video is instantly rendered into a jumpy slideshow of stills. What's more is that I had to watch it in french AND without sound. In spite of all these hurdles, the trailer still managed to rock the world, and the world has yet to cease rockin'. Were an impartial, interplanetary tribunal to happen past right now, they would have no recourse but to declare "World! We hereby find ye to be... Rockin'!"

Six months ago I described a brief list of essentials that I required from a Transformers movie. What I left out were my hopes and dreams that seemed too much to hope for back then; Icing on my cake of giant robots fucking up the urban sprawl. As none of them were absolutely essential to my enjoyment of this movie, I left them unvoiced. Some of them included:

- A bus getting torn in half.
- A tank being thrown through the air.
- Explosions of a size and quantity heretofore undreamed of.
- Fleshlings being rended asunder by drill hand monster-bot.
- A holographic moustache.

And now this trailer promises me all these things. You probably can't even imagine the waves of ecstasy that wash over me just thinking about it. It's like Christmas... but not any ordinary, ho-ho-hum Christmas. It's like dreaming about getting a blow job and waking up just in time to see Santa's boot heels disappearing up the chimney.

So don't let those holiday blues get to you, people. Stay alive with me. Tomorrow is way better than today will ever be, even if only because it's one day less to wait for the greatest movie of all time.