Doob LaVey

A clever combination referencing three of my favorite things: Marijuana, The Church of Satan, and the french alphabet.

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Location: Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada

Long story, but briefly: I once saved a town from Dractyl, the vampiric pterodactyl.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Self Help Is Best Self Administered

Are you like me? Unsure? Read on, and find out!

Are you tired of all these self proclaimed self help books that discourage you from living in fear? Are you tired of being told that going out, doing things, and meeting real people, is for some reason, objectively better than your natural inclination to stay in every night? Are you tired of being made to feel like your desire to never leave the house again is wrong? Did you answer yes to one or more of these questions, but are afraid to admit to people that this is how you really feel? If so, good news! You are like me!

And it truly is great news, because I've written just the book for me. Since also you're just like me, it's almost like you wrote this book, for you! It's kind of sad that we're pioneering new ground in the "self help" industry by putting the "self" back in "self help". But hey, let them worry about it. I've entitled the book "I'm Afraid I'll Stay the Way I Am, Thank You Very Much" and between its' covers, you'll find all sorts of words, which I have arranged in a specific fashion,to empirically and conclusively demonstrate that what we may loosely define as "mental illness" is a quality to not only be embraced, but celebrated.

I invite you to journey with me, from the first page to the last, and bear witness as I dispel some of the age old myths like

-Real friends are better than imaginary ones
-Healthy love involves at least two people
-Talking is more than just noise
-There's no reason to be afraid of spiders
-A penny earned is a penny saved

In addition, I will show you several secret techniques on how to:

-Build a working E-meter
-Construct an 'anxiety free zone' in the comfort of your own home, using only string and a pair of safety scissors
-Take out your frustrations over your own ineptitude on moderately relevant acquaintances in meticulous plotted attacks
-Instigate mass hysteria

Listen. The only way they can keep you down is if you're playing their game. So do yourself a favor and stop it. Make your own game and play it instead. There's no reason that you should be afraid to be yourself. Fear change instead... it's way scarier.