Something New

It may come as no suprise to you that I am not very creative. Most of my architectural designs are duplicates of Metropolis from Superman comic books, and my novels, even though marketed as fiction, are mainly based on my real life experiences. I've seen the Teardrop Kitty and it can talk.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like there's nothing going on in my life right now. There are some MAJOR developments taking place, I just don't how to express them to you just yet. But it's been a while since I had a big post for you and I feel like I owe you something for all the time you've spent living vicariously through me.

So I've got something new here for you. You may have heard of The Transformers. Among other things, they were an old cartoon detailing the adventures of two warring robot armies from the planet Cybertron. These robots possessed the amazing ability to change shape into a wide variety of vehicles, weapons and equipment. The heroes were known as Autobots, and the villains were the Decepticons. I will now detail for you one of their adventures.

Cosmic Rust

The episode begins with a shot of the Decepticon Astrotrain, who could transform into either a space shuttle or a locomotive. In this particular instance, he's in his shuttle mode, weaving his way through an asteroid field. A disembodied voice, which long time viewers will recognize as Rumble, sagely advises "Astrotrain! Watch out for those asteroids!"

Not far off, a planet comes into view. Unlike most planets, this one prominently displays a vast yellow insignia of the Autobot army. Since this planet appears to be a gas giant, one assumes this symbol is a projection or hologram of some kind. If this planet is only as big as the smallest of gas giants, this projection must still be thousands of kilometers across. The energy to maintain such a projection must be enormous! One is left to wonder, whatever purpose this projection serves, if there wasn't a more economical method of achieving a similar effect. It does go a long way towards explaining why these robots are always in search of new energy resources, however.

Anyway, the Decepticons do not fail to notice the calling card of their bitter rivals, though they do express suprise at it's existence. It's not clear why they should be suprised, since it's the size of a continent and right out in plain view for any space traveller to see.

We cut to the interior of Astrotrain and see not only Rumble, but Decepticon leader Megatron and Air Commander Starscream are also along for the ride. Of what mission this crew could have originally been on, there is no hint.

Scanning the planet, they detect no trace of life, but Megatron cautions them to be alert for traps, tacitly implying he means to investigate the place. This seems like a move of dubious wisdom to me, for four warriors to enter any area where the enemy is perfectly content to announce its presence to the whole solar system.

Despite any reservations I might have, the Decepticons make it to the surface without incident. There, they discoverwhat appears to be an ancient and abandoned Autobot city. Rusty buildings and metal stretch for as far as the optic sensor can detect.

While the grunts carrouse about the missed opportunity for combat, Megatron is the first to realise that there is more than meets the eye here. "It's not like the Autobots to leave a whole city to decay."
As they wander about, they come before a monument of some sort, covered in scripture. "Too bad none of us reads ancient Autobot." muses Starscream, though you sort of wonder if any of these guys can even read "modern Autobot", or "modern Decepticon", for that matter.

None of this deters Starscream from boldly striding forward and fiddling with the controls at the base of the monument, arousing Megatron's paranoia. But the Air Commander scoffs at such needless caution, declaring it as a prehistoric communication device. He is soon proven correct when his efforts yield up a hologram of a cybertronian looking robot who appears to be covered in mud. He speaks a recorded message to the assembled Decepticons in a rasping, whispy voice that tells us he is ancient.

If Cybertron be your home
Far away never roam.
Hear my message,
Listen in fear!
Danger comes,
The end is near!

Just like us,
You soon will rust.
All shall be turned
to dust!

Rust, naturally, is the worst fear and greatest enemy of all robots, because they are made of metal. Even though, technically, only iron "rusts", other metals "oxidize" which is the result of that metal being exposed to oxygen and water. In fact, rust is oxidized iron. But you never hear any robots quaking in their boot modules about getting oxidized. In fact, with some metals, an oxidized layer on the surface forms a barrier that protects the core metal from becoming oxidized. So it's not all bad.

Nevertheless, the doomsayer-bot's message has the predictable and desired effect on this cowardly and superstitious lot.

"Sounds like a curse or something." Observes Rumble.

"He's right. The omens are ill." Opines Astrotrain.

Megatron's paranoia, in full display moments earlier, is now absent as he berates his fearful minions. Equally absent is Starscream's trademark insubordination, as he's in full agreement with his commander. "Where there's a curse on the door, there's a treasure on the other side!"

Which isn't always true of course. Sometimes a curse is just a curse, and considering these characters are all of the villainous variety, it's unlikely they'll collect any treasures scott free.

However, after a few seconds of purposeful wandering, a treasure presents itself. Atop a long staircase, they spot an idol in the form of some sort of scarab type thing. Starscream immediately declares it as a "lightning bug".

"If that's a lightning bug, I'd sure hate to meet a dragonfly." Quips Astrotrain. It is not clear to me what he means by this. The idol appears to be inanimate and non threatening. Presumably, this is a comment on the size of the thing, as we soon learn, when Starscream brazenly runs up to the thing and we see it's bigger than he is. "Let's see if we can make it operate" he says, unusually motivated. Again, it's not clear to me what's meant by this, since it's not apparent that the bug serves any function besides decoration. But he is the only one who knew it was a lightning bug, so I guess he's the smart one.

Whatever the case, he appears to be quite determined to spin the thing around. Unfortunately, he has not the strength for this task, and even the assistance of Rumble (who is about knee high to Starscream) fails to produce results.

"Stand aside, weaklings." Commands Megatron, as he prepares to demonstrate why he is the leader. As it turns out, they were not trying to spin it. Instead, they were trying to open the carapace of thebug, which Megatron accomplishes with a small effort. To the suprise of the assembled band of brigands, pink bolts of energy surge forth from the idol, validating Starscreams earlier "lightning bug" comment. These bolts fly up into the ceiling and burn clean through the roof. The evil warriors are much impressed by this display.

Megatron is pleased, both by this new weapon, and the chance to invoke his favorite literary device. "How Ironic. The Autobots will be destroyed with the weapon they created!"

That's it for now... Part II later!