What YOU Need To Know, AFTER The Fact You Needed To Know It

I know what you're thinking: Where?

Where is the comprehensive and detailed review of the most significant achievement in human history ie. The Transformers movie?

Well, it's taken me a while to articulate my thoughts in such a manner as to accurately convey my thoughts and feelings on the whole experience, and I think it can best be summed up in this manner.

Even before I saw the movie, I wanted for this to be the experience of a lifetime. I imagined that, to maximize my enjoyment, while watching the movie, I should also be simultaneously getting a blow job and and eating a piping hot Pilsbury toaster strudel.

Well, let me tell you now that I didn't miss the strudel one bit, because the movie is a blow job. From God.

That's right, God sucked my dick for two and a half hours and it was sheer ecstacy.

I really don't know what else to say. I would have preferred that the movie had been about three years long (or however long we'll have to wait until the sequel), but that's my only complaint.

Out of four stars, I give it infinity plus one stars.

Now you know.