For Posterity
Back in the day, before I'd sacrificed much of my life to the training one must endure if they wish themselves a master architect, I was a professional pet appraiser and amatuer scientist. Pet appraising is one of those professions that is obscure now but poised to make a break out in a huge way within the next few years. So at least I've got that to fall back on if I'd ever find out the architect thing isn't working out (i.e. got fired). I think it was while I was pet appraising that I was last truly content.
Anyway, I uncovered this historical document I wrote a few years back, that combines those two great loves of mine. For some of you this will be new, although to long time fans it will seem familiar and dull. But you could say the same thing about the american constitution.
"Among the mysteries of science lies the key to victory."
Jetfire, Autobot Air Guardian
As everyone knows, there are few goals as worthy as the pursuit of knowledge. With this in mind, I decided to conduct a little experiment not more than ten minutes ago. What you are about to see, for the first time anywhere, are the results of said experiment. But first, a little background.The premise was deceptively simple: What might occur, if one inbred extra-toed cat(worth about $35) were to encounter one Wendy's Big Bacon Classic Combo(worth about $6)? Of course, the creature could not be allowed to merely have it's way with the meal, because I was hungry and required the life giving sustainance for myself. however, I could break off little portions of the various ingredients in an attempt to discover what the subject would and would not eat. The portions were broken off at roughly one minute intervals and all approximately the same size. The results were as follows:
Bit of french fry: Eaten
Bit of french fry: Eaten
Bit of french fry with ketchup(catsup): Not eaten
Bit of bacon: Eaten
Bit of beef: Eaten
Bit of processed cheese: Eaten
Bit of onion: Not eaten
Bit of beef: Eaten
Bit of beef: Eaten
Bit of pickle: Not eaten
Bit of beef: Not eaten
Bit of bacon that fell in ketchup(catsup): Eaten
Bit of french fry: Not eaten
Whole french fry: Not eaten
From this several interesting observations can be made. It would appear that the subject was hungry enough to begin with that it would eat french fries which it would ordinarily not eat. Some support for this theory is found in the fact that the subject refused french fries offered at the end of the meal. This data could instead be interpreted that the subject enjoys french fries under most circumstances, but after feasting on delicious bacon and beef, could not be bothered with the comparitively paltry fare of potatoes.We can also see that while ketchup(catsup) is sometimes a deterrent, as in the case of the french fry, the benefits of tasty bacon prevailed over the subject's ketchup(catsup)induced inhibitions. Clearly, more work needs to be done in this area before any solid conclusions can be reached. Work, which you can do in your own home for only $41! It's for science, people! It's worth it! Send your results to sanehaven@shaw.ca!
Soon after I wrote up this report, I finally realised that I couldn't support myself on a pet appraiser's income, and with a heavy heart, I went off to architecture school. School took up so much of my life, that I had no time for follow up experiments. Now I seem to have lots of time for stuff. Maybe it's time to get back into the swing of old things... unless I go back to my architecture job. Wow, life always comes full cirle, doesn't it?
I feel like I'm at a fork in the road I've been at before, like some kind of proverbial Robert Frost. But which way do I go this time?
Anyway, I uncovered this historical document I wrote a few years back, that combines those two great loves of mine. For some of you this will be new, although to long time fans it will seem familiar and dull. But you could say the same thing about the american constitution.
"Among the mysteries of science lies the key to victory."
Jetfire, Autobot Air Guardian
As everyone knows, there are few goals as worthy as the pursuit of knowledge. With this in mind, I decided to conduct a little experiment not more than ten minutes ago. What you are about to see, for the first time anywhere, are the results of said experiment. But first, a little background.The premise was deceptively simple: What might occur, if one inbred extra-toed cat(worth about $35) were to encounter one Wendy's Big Bacon Classic Combo(worth about $6)? Of course, the creature could not be allowed to merely have it's way with the meal, because I was hungry and required the life giving sustainance for myself. however, I could break off little portions of the various ingredients in an attempt to discover what the subject would and would not eat. The portions were broken off at roughly one minute intervals and all approximately the same size. The results were as follows:
Bit of french fry: Eaten
Bit of french fry: Eaten
Bit of french fry with ketchup(catsup): Not eaten
Bit of bacon: Eaten
Bit of beef: Eaten
Bit of processed cheese: Eaten
Bit of onion: Not eaten
Bit of beef: Eaten
Bit of beef: Eaten
Bit of pickle: Not eaten
Bit of beef: Not eaten
Bit of bacon that fell in ketchup(catsup): Eaten
Bit of french fry: Not eaten
Whole french fry: Not eaten
From this several interesting observations can be made. It would appear that the subject was hungry enough to begin with that it would eat french fries which it would ordinarily not eat. Some support for this theory is found in the fact that the subject refused french fries offered at the end of the meal. This data could instead be interpreted that the subject enjoys french fries under most circumstances, but after feasting on delicious bacon and beef, could not be bothered with the comparitively paltry fare of potatoes.We can also see that while ketchup(catsup) is sometimes a deterrent, as in the case of the french fry, the benefits of tasty bacon prevailed over the subject's ketchup(catsup)induced inhibitions. Clearly, more work needs to be done in this area before any solid conclusions can be reached. Work, which you can do in your own home for only $41! It's for science, people! It's worth it! Send your results to sanehaven@shaw.ca!
Soon after I wrote up this report, I finally realised that I couldn't support myself on a pet appraiser's income, and with a heavy heart, I went off to architecture school. School took up so much of my life, that I had no time for follow up experiments. Now I seem to have lots of time for stuff. Maybe it's time to get back into the swing of old things... unless I go back to my architecture job. Wow, life always comes full cirle, doesn't it?
I feel like I'm at a fork in the road I've been at before, like some kind of proverbial Robert Frost. But which way do I go this time?
posted by Jamie S. Luxton III | 5:12 PM
8 Comments:
Fascinating. and for only 42$ simply amazing, i really enjoyed this experience.
I once conducted a experiment kind of like yours: What effect would one of Airwolf's Hellfire ATGMs have on a litter of adorable kittens?
Fuck that was cool.
I'll give you $45 to eat the cat
What a coincidence! I was just doing research on the subject of pet appraisal for my next novel "Tigers: The Queens of the Jungle." A tale about a man named Roy, his bedmate and their tale of woe. It's obviously filled with a lot of "dick jokes" and hilarious slapstick...
I should come clean, though. I didn't do the research for my book. That was just a shameless plug. But I did want to ask, in your professional-ish opinion, "What price would my dog, Silverstreak, fetch? He's 12 (84 in dog-years!) has lost the use of one eye, leaves crap marks wherever he sits(I now call him Cinnamonstreak), has three legs and a mild case of the rabies. A filthy man with squinty eyes offered me $2.50 and the House Special at his restaurant. Should I take it?
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a anxiety test site/blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Eric, when monetary exchange is in order, bartering is always on the agenda.
When he says $2.50, you say $3.
You give him no choice but to go up to $2.75! Which is $2.50 plus a quarter to call somebody and regale them with the amazing tale you sold your dog!
Just wanted to comment for the sake of commenting... and to get this comment block into the double-digits it so richly deserves. Besides, the profession of pet appraiser is important enough to merit dozens of comments. What has the world come to when no one pays attention to the poor pet appraisers of the nation.
k this experiment sounds eerily familiar. is that what you were doing in my living room that day?
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