Fame Fallout

If there's one surefire way to get people to hate you, it's to have them find out that lots of other people really like you. While my sudden surge in popularity here in cloud cuckoo land caught me offguard, I was virtually instantly prepared for an accompanying backlash of negativity from certain quarters. As it turns out, my preparedness was well rewarded.

Just this very morning, I was roused from my dreams of wind dogs and go-machines by the ringing of the telephone. Placing it to my ear, I was greeted by the sounds of uncontrollable sobbing. "You son of a bitch! I'll kill you slowly!"

This of course, was my good friend Marshall, from whom I had stolen the notion of creating a blog in the first place. Unlike him, however, I had parlayed my blog into a magnificent success, while he has yet to achieve the coveted blog of note status. I personally suspect he may be responsible for a couple of rocks I discovered a few feet outside my window today. Presumably, he'd meant to chuck these chunks of geology through my looking walls, but they'd fallen short of their destination. Anyway, to him I say "I forgive you." and " Buck up, there, soldier! You're time will come! I'll see what kind of strings my new found power and influence can pull to get you into this exclusive blog of note club!" ;)


It also seems that, from the coward's comfortable cover of anonymity, some miscreant has accused me of being none other that the notorious Swami Abbajay Gutra. For those not in the know, Swami Gutra is one of the most wanted men on the subcontinent. His list of crimes include opium trafficking, larceny, extortion, training cobras as thieves and assassins, selling defective flying carpets, cattle ranching, civil disobedience, slave trading, leading youths astray, soup stealing, grand theft pachyderm, and treason. In his final scheme, before being forced to flee from India, he posed as a guide for some unwary archeologists, who hoped he could lead them to the fabled treasure of Kalind-Ortunafay-Pradesh. They left from Bombay just as the local constabulary raided Gutra's hovel. Conveniently, neither the archeologists nor the Swami ever returned and no one knows if the treasure was recovered. Some say they were all destroyed by dark forces guarding the tomb of the ancient wizard. Others say Gutra murdered those scientists to keep his escape from India a secret. Still others claim that the Swami murdered the scientists, kept the treasure, and then escaped. And still other others claim he's living just up the street from here, incognito. But I can say with absolute authority that I am not Swami Abbajay Gutra. Recant your falsehoods, you cur.

As for the rest of you who don't like me, it wouldn't be efficent to personally address each one of your concerns. Indeed, for the most part, they have merely stated their disinterest or disdain for me and my blog, without stating the whys and wherefores. So I'll just issue this blanket statement that should probably cover everyones issues.

I can change. My writing style and subject matter can change. If you want to hear about hookers in the house, you got it! Just you wait! More utensil sodomy? Coming right up! Just please don't go. You don't know how much I need this. I'll do anything. I'm begging you.