Career Adventurer
Well, as I told you already, one thing on my itinerary was to head on down to the architectural firm where I work, and discover whether or not I still had a job. You see, I haven't been in to work since I left home, just over a month ago. Now you might think failing to report to work for over a month is no big deal... certainly nothing to lose one's job over.
However, Thomas Homolka, who is not only the senior partner at our firm, but also the second cousin of the notorious Karla Homolka, runs a pretty tight ship. He has a list of things that he is completely unable to tolerate, which is actually given out to new employees as part of their orientation. It includes:
- Obesity (without underlying medical cause)
- Liquid Lunches
- The new "Walk" signs at intersections that feature a "hunched over" character
- Hypocrisy
- Long Breaks
- Art Deco
- Thunder Lizards
- Requests for Raises
- Salad forks pulling double duty as dessert forks
- Farts
- Loud Noises
- People who ask "What time is it?" too much
- Train Wheels
- Gargoyles
- St. Louis Arch
- Theft
-Africa
- Too small shoes
- Inclement weather
-Shoddy workmanship
-Dental benefits
In fact, during my tenure at Homolka and Krieger, no less that three people have been fired for violating just one of these criteria (those violated being Long Breaks, Hypocrisy, and Thunder Lizards).
This is coupled with the fact that Roddy McAmsterdam, a fellow architect who is related to no one you ever heard of, has been my chief rival to make partner for the past year. Needless to say, he has been looking for any reason to get me fired.
Not too long ago, a series of incidents occured involving Loud Noises, Farts, and Salad Forks pulling double duty as dessert forks. In these incidents, I was singled out as the prime suspect. I tell you now what I told them then: I had no knowledge of how these events originated or who was responsible. Now, however, I suspect Roddy McAmsterdam may have been masterminding a plot against me, though I have yet to uncover any real proof of this. Nevertheless, you can probably imagine the machiavellian web of deceit he's woven in my absense.
Oh, one thing I forgot to mention yesterday is that I think I'm now addicted to Heroin! LOL! Who would have thought it! Oh well. I'm really sure if I'm truly addicted or not. If anybody has some heroin, send it to me and I'll see if I can resist it. Anyway, I can only hope that it won't affect my career. I'm pretty resillient, so I can probably handle it.;)
So, anyway,you're probably wondering by now what happened when I got down to the firm yesterday! Well, I'll tell you... Nothing! We're closed on weekends!LOL!
It was kind of a relief, to tell the truth, but only until monday. Then it's "here we go again!"LOL!
See ya! :)
However, Thomas Homolka, who is not only the senior partner at our firm, but also the second cousin of the notorious Karla Homolka, runs a pretty tight ship. He has a list of things that he is completely unable to tolerate, which is actually given out to new employees as part of their orientation. It includes:
- Obesity (without underlying medical cause)
- Liquid Lunches
- The new "Walk" signs at intersections that feature a "hunched over" character
- Hypocrisy
- Long Breaks
- Art Deco
- Thunder Lizards
- Requests for Raises
- Salad forks pulling double duty as dessert forks
- Farts
- Loud Noises
- People who ask "What time is it?" too much
- Train Wheels
- Gargoyles
- St. Louis Arch
- Theft
-Africa
- Too small shoes
- Inclement weather
-Shoddy workmanship
-Dental benefits
In fact, during my tenure at Homolka and Krieger, no less that three people have been fired for violating just one of these criteria (those violated being Long Breaks, Hypocrisy, and Thunder Lizards).
This is coupled with the fact that Roddy McAmsterdam, a fellow architect who is related to no one you ever heard of, has been my chief rival to make partner for the past year. Needless to say, he has been looking for any reason to get me fired.
Not too long ago, a series of incidents occured involving Loud Noises, Farts, and Salad Forks pulling double duty as dessert forks. In these incidents, I was singled out as the prime suspect. I tell you now what I told them then: I had no knowledge of how these events originated or who was responsible. Now, however, I suspect Roddy McAmsterdam may have been masterminding a plot against me, though I have yet to uncover any real proof of this. Nevertheless, you can probably imagine the machiavellian web of deceit he's woven in my absense.
Oh, one thing I forgot to mention yesterday is that I think I'm now addicted to Heroin! LOL! Who would have thought it! Oh well. I'm really sure if I'm truly addicted or not. If anybody has some heroin, send it to me and I'll see if I can resist it. Anyway, I can only hope that it won't affect my career. I'm pretty resillient, so I can probably handle it.;)
So, anyway,you're probably wondering by now what happened when I got down to the firm yesterday! Well, I'll tell you... Nothing! We're closed on weekends!LOL!
It was kind of a relief, to tell the truth, but only until monday. Then it's "here we go again!"LOL!
See ya! :)
posted by Jamie S. Luxton III | 8:13 AM
2 Comments:
KITT had a flat tire and I was stranded in the wilderness for 28 days. I had to eat that flat tire to survive.
I once had an editor with a very similar list. He was fat... orca fat. When I proposed that he was breaking, not one, but two of his own quotas; (them being obesity (which he called "being a fatty") and hypocrisy). He fires me for being nosy (not listed.)
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