Kingdom of Malaise
God, I am so lazy.
Did you know I have to leave the house just to do my laundry? So I must wonder, when is it time to do the laundry? Is it when I have one last pair of clean socks? This last pair I would wear to the laundromat, dirtying then even as the others are made clean. Then, when I get home from the laundromat, I already have one dirty pair of socks. Do you see what I mean? Gah, the futility of it all... it surrounds me.
My old pal, Darren Pisni. I don't think I ever understood more than two words that came out of his mouth. That's fucked. What were we even friends for? It certainly wasn't because of mutual respect and interests, because I've no fucking clue what he was all about. Nor can it be said that I respect the taking of liberties with the Queens' good English.
If I saw a pair of tits sticking out of the ground, I'm not sure how I'd react. They could be attached to a womans' corpse, lying in a very shallow grave. Or perhaps, somewhat analogous to the angler fish, perhaps they are the lure of some as yet unknown predator? Then again, maybe it's just a freebie.
Imagine if sharks were the next fish to turn into amphibians? Man, that'd be a terror! Crawling around and biting men in twain... I shudder at the thought of it. Imagine if there were so many fish in your local reservoir that caviar came out of your kitchen tap? Or your shower head? Sickening.
Over what kind of time frame is it healthy to gain fifteen pounds? Two weeks?
There was, at one time, a warrior culture easily distinguished by their distinctive metal kilts. Underneath these copper skirts, the men would affix to their dinks a metal copper ball of some sort. Then, as they crossed the battlefield in with a peculiar hopping gait, their cockball would clang noisily against the metal kilt. These fighters were known as Bellhops. You can play as a Bellhop in the latest edition of the Dungeons and Dragons game.
Are there any blank spaces left in the periodic table of elements? Does anyone know the half life of hot dogs? Are wieners made of anything besides wieners? If not, doesn't that make "wiener" an element?
All this and more, for one whole year, with a paid subscription of only $13.95!
Did you know I have to leave the house just to do my laundry? So I must wonder, when is it time to do the laundry? Is it when I have one last pair of clean socks? This last pair I would wear to the laundromat, dirtying then even as the others are made clean. Then, when I get home from the laundromat, I already have one dirty pair of socks. Do you see what I mean? Gah, the futility of it all... it surrounds me.
My old pal, Darren Pisni. I don't think I ever understood more than two words that came out of his mouth. That's fucked. What were we even friends for? It certainly wasn't because of mutual respect and interests, because I've no fucking clue what he was all about. Nor can it be said that I respect the taking of liberties with the Queens' good English.
If I saw a pair of tits sticking out of the ground, I'm not sure how I'd react. They could be attached to a womans' corpse, lying in a very shallow grave. Or perhaps, somewhat analogous to the angler fish, perhaps they are the lure of some as yet unknown predator? Then again, maybe it's just a freebie.
Imagine if sharks were the next fish to turn into amphibians? Man, that'd be a terror! Crawling around and biting men in twain... I shudder at the thought of it. Imagine if there were so many fish in your local reservoir that caviar came out of your kitchen tap? Or your shower head? Sickening.
Over what kind of time frame is it healthy to gain fifteen pounds? Two weeks?
There was, at one time, a warrior culture easily distinguished by their distinctive metal kilts. Underneath these copper skirts, the men would affix to their dinks a metal copper ball of some sort. Then, as they crossed the battlefield in with a peculiar hopping gait, their cockball would clang noisily against the metal kilt. These fighters were known as Bellhops. You can play as a Bellhop in the latest edition of the Dungeons and Dragons game.
Are there any blank spaces left in the periodic table of elements? Does anyone know the half life of hot dogs? Are wieners made of anything besides wieners? If not, doesn't that make "wiener" an element?
All this and more, for one whole year, with a paid subscription of only $13.95!
posted by Jamie S. Luxton III | 6:48 AM
2 Comments:
I'll take two
My D&D bellhop character has a Charisma of 20, which makes for a ferocious clattering on the battlefield.
I've often wondered how the copper ball is attached to the dink...
Oh, and Luxton, you can tell a lot about a pair of tits by their temperature. Keep that in mind.
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