Cosmic Rust part II

You know, I think "Cosmic Rust" is one of my favorite episodes of Transformers, so I hope you're all enjoying reading about it as much as I enjoy typing about it. If not, that's too bad, because part I only covered about the first three minutes of the episode, so it's gonna be a long time before I get through the whole thing. But without further ado, here's the next chapter!

COSMIC RUST part II

When we last left off, the Decepticons had newly acquired a powerful and ancient weapon from a cursed and abandoned city. Now we see Astrotrain, again in shuttle mode, blasting off from the ruined cityscape. It seems they are content to depart without bothering to investigate the awesome and apparently unlimited energy source that powers the giant hologram. This seems strange to me, as you'd think this would something of interest to these energy hungry robots. But I've already been wrong about so many things, and now's no time to quit!

"Sure glad we're out of there," Says Rumble. "That place was giving me the surges!"
Thus we have the first instance of Part II where I do not understand what they are trying to say, or, as a transformer might phrase it, "That does not compute."

Astrotrain again makes his way through the asteroid field, which may in fact be the planet's rings. This place has not fully run out of suprises, though, as one asteroid leaves it's brothers behind and begins to follow the decepticon spacecraft! This actually isn't all that much of a suprise, since this particular asteroid is a completely different shape and colour from all the other asteroids. Such is the way of cartoon universes.

"Faster, Astrotrain! We've got an asteroid on our tail!" announces Megatron, who, having lived in a cartoon universe for millions of years, is also none too suprised by this strange turn of the laws of physics. Megatron's patience is limited, however, and before they can trying anything like speeding up or evasive action, he is already fed up with the insolent space boulder and unleashes the wrath of his new weapon apon it. The asteroid is destroyed, and Astrotrain is pelted with debris from the explosion. A bit of space rock tears through Astrotrain's hull and winds up lodged in the shoulder of the Decepticon leader. Though the damage to Astrotrain is severe, the Decepticons continue on there way back to earth, which is suddenly visible in the distance.

At the Decepticon's underwater headquarters, Starscream's voice over let's us know that it will be weeks before Astrotrain is fully repaired. What we see, though, is that Megatron himself doesn't appear to be doing too well. He's stretched out on a bed of some kind with Starscream standing over him. The space rock is still lodged in his left shoulder. "Forget Astrotrain! It is me that must be attended to." he says in the characteristically callous manner of evil leaders towards their minions' welfare.

It is only natural that Megatron should order Starscream, the commander of the Decepticon's aerial combat forces, to conduct the surgery. Starscream is more than ready for this task and proves it when his hand retracts into his forearm and a metallic pincer emerges to replace it. Once the space rock is in the pincer's grip, only a few seconds of tugging are required to remove it and end the procedure. I wonder how long it would have taken if he'd tried to grab the rock with his hand.

"Unfortunately, the operation is successful." Starsceam declares.

"Your humour escapes me, Starscream." Sneers Megatron. It does not escape me, however; This is some classic stuff. Solid gold!

Levity aside, all is not well in the Decepticon medical bay. Megatron observes a curious residue around his wound left by the space rock. "It looks like some sort of... rust!" says Starscream. Considering how unusually perceptive he's been this epsiode so far, we would do well to assume he is correct. It also appears that Megatron has already read the script for this episode, as we catch him silently mouthing the words "It looks like..." while Starscream recites them. This probably means he already knows the validity of Starscream's assessment, but he chooses to play dumb for now. "That is ridiculous! We are rust proof!"

Megatron's bid to appear stupid pays off in spades. We see a close up of his wound and it appears to be covered in a soft brown stuff, very similar to what was on the old doomsayer-bot who tried to warn them about something. What was that again? Oh, yeah... rust.

"Perhaps you were made of shoddy material, Megatron!" Says Starscream with entirely too much glee to be just professional opinion. "That's absurd, you fool!" Megatron ineffectually retorts. "Fool" might be a good opening insult, but it's far too late in the battle to be pulling it out now. I understand that Megatron may have a lot on his mind at the moment, but excuses are just excuses. So this round of pointless bickering is awarded to Starscream.

More... some other time!

Nihilism Usurps My Purpose

Well, it's early Moday morning, and I've just finished a hearty breakfast of raisin bran crunch, toast, orange juice, and coffee. I'm going to need my energy today, since I've got to go out and find out if I get to keep my job or not. I only wish I'd gotten a good night's rest. But the fact is that such a thing was made impossible, thanks to a chance encounter in the darkened hours.

Late last night, I was frequenting my favorite local coffee shop, minding my own business. Actually, I was hard at work on the crossword puzzle in the newspaper, which an earlier, inconsiderate patron had already filled in in ink. Even though I had immediately scribbled out all the answers, the puzzle was still not half the challenge I'd hoped it to be.

Frustrated, I gazed about the coffee shop, discreetly observing the few other customers. All the stereotypes were present of course: The old hobo, the college boy, the beatnik, the gossiping housewives, the unattended infant. As I glanced from face to face, each one failed to notice me, especially the unattended infant. Which is just as well, since babies make me uncomfortable anyway. I mean, they look like people (sort of), and behave like animals. That's creepy!

As my head turned towards it's leftmost limit, my eyes were suprised to discover that one patron had heretofore escaped my notice. Therewas something vaguely sinister about the man. Perhaps it was his red skin and devil horns.LOL! just kidding. He was dressed in all black, and somewhat disconcertingly, he was wearing a beret. Even more disconcerting, as I looked apon him, he was staring right back at me.

A sudden crash signalled the event of a ceramic coffe cup being introduced to the linoleum floor... the hard way. A sudden wail went up from the infant, a primordial "waaahhh" that said to all in earshot "The experiences of that coffee cup, all the lips it's touched, all the coffee it's tasted, all the conversations it's heard, all the faces it's seen, all that means nothing now!" It was a wail that spoke to the truth of the human condition.

I was momentarily stunned by this oddly pessimistic thought. This didn't jive with my normally upbeat attitude. And yet, it was suddenly clear that a fundamental truth had been revealed to me. I saw now that when we die, all our accomplishments, so cherished in life, are equivalent to nothing in the face of death. And if it is true that accomplishment is the measure of a life's worth, and accomplishment is valueless, then life itself must also be similarly meaningless. Silently, I both praised and cursed the infant for the gift of this insight. Maybe now you see why I don't like them.

All this occured in a fraction of a second, and I was roused from my idle reverie by the hurried form of an employee, anxious to erase the evidence of the cup's demise with her dustpan and mop. As my neck returned to it's neutral position, Iwas startled yet again to find the vaguely sinister man standing silently over me. Somehow he had made his way from his table to mine without sound and in an impossibly small amount of time. He stared down at me with that same expressionless gaze as before. His skin was grey and his eyes were dull, like he was dead inside. But then I quickly thought, Aren't we all? The corner of his mouth twitched upwards into a configuration indicating the vaguest of bemusements.

"Are you done with that?" He said in a silly voice, air whistling through the gap in his teeth. I looked where his outstretched index finger was pointing, and realized he was indicating the crossword puzzle.

I looked back up into his eyes with an expression of expressionless that I hoped would rival his own. In an unhurried fashion, I stood from my seat and put on my coat. I made as if to silently brush past him, but at the last moment stopped short and glared into his eyes once more. I thought I detected something in his gaze that hadn't been there before. A meager trace of emotion, perhaps? I smelled blood and went in for the kill.

"What difference does it make?" I cooly said.

I walked out without looking back.

Reading this now as I write, I realise how needlessly I've been worrying about my continued employment. Fortunately, now, I also realise "What difference does it make?"

I think I'll go back to bed. See ya.

Career Adventurer

Well, as I told you already, one thing on my itinerary was to head on down to the architectural firm where I work, and discover whether or not I still had a job. You see, I haven't been in to work since I left home, just over a month ago. Now you might think failing to report to work for over a month is no big deal... certainly nothing to lose one's job over.

However, Thomas Homolka, who is not only the senior partner at our firm, but also the second cousin of the notorious Karla Homolka, runs a pretty tight ship. He has a list of things that he is completely unable to tolerate, which is actually given out to new employees as part of their orientation. It includes:

- Obesity (without underlying medical cause)
- Liquid Lunches
- The new "Walk" signs at intersections that feature a "hunched over" character
- Hypocrisy
- Long Breaks
- Art Deco
- Thunder Lizards
- Requests for Raises
- Salad forks pulling double duty as dessert forks
- Farts
- Loud Noises
- People who ask "What time is it?" too much
- Train Wheels
- Gargoyles
- St. Louis Arch
- Theft
-Africa
- Too small shoes
- Inclement weather
-Shoddy workmanship
-Dental benefits


In fact, during my tenure at Homolka and Krieger, no less that three people have been fired for violating just one of these criteria (those violated being Long Breaks, Hypocrisy, and Thunder Lizards).

This is coupled with the fact that Roddy McAmsterdam, a fellow architect who is related to no one you ever heard of, has been my chief rival to make partner for the past year. Needless to say, he has been looking for any reason to get me fired.

Not too long ago, a series of incidents occured involving Loud Noises, Farts, and Salad Forks pulling double duty as dessert forks. In these incidents, I was singled out as the prime suspect. I tell you now what I told them then: I had no knowledge of how these events originated or who was responsible. Now, however, I suspect Roddy McAmsterdam may have been masterminding a plot against me, though I have yet to uncover any real proof of this. Nevertheless, you can probably imagine the machiavellian web of deceit he's woven in my absense.

Oh, one thing I forgot to mention yesterday is that I think I'm now addicted to Heroin! LOL! Who would have thought it! Oh well. I'm really sure if I'm truly addicted or not. If anybody has some heroin, send it to me and I'll see if I can resist it. Anyway, I can only hope that it won't affect my career. I'm pretty resillient, so I can probably handle it.;)

So, anyway,you're probably wondering by now what happened when I got down to the firm yesterday! Well, I'll tell you... Nothing! We're closed on weekends!LOL!

It was kind of a relief, to tell the truth, but only until monday. Then it's "here we go again!"LOL!

See ya! :)

Meesa Back!

Greetings and salutations dear old friends! It's been quite a while since you last saw new words of mine here, and that's because I haven't been updating at all! This is not due to negligence or lack of interest, but rather an absolute lack of opportunty. For you see, during this past month, I've been living on the streets.

Whether it's more accurate to say I had to get out from the oppressive umbrella of my mother's influence, or that my mom kicked me out of the house, is difficult to say. Either way, for the first little while, what little pocket change I possessed, I spent in internet cafes to keep updating the blog, keeping up the illusion that everything was fine; I didn't want to needlessly worry anyone here. Soon, however, the wellspring of spare coins dried up, and thus the wellspring of updates dried up. Those dark times have passed, I'm happy to report. The Fog has lifted and it's all clear sailing from here on.

Anyway, I've come out of this past month of hardship relatively unscathed. It was kind of fun, actually. It's like having every day off and just wandering around without any clear agenda in mind. I now suspect that most bums stay alive just so they don't die. This may seem like some serious underachieving to you, but that's all plants and animals do, and look at how long they've been around. You also see some interesting things that the average person will not come across in an average life. For example, here's some things I've seen and the number of times I saw them:

People Sleeping in Dumpsters 4
People Face Down in Lake 5
Bicycles 16
Cops 2
Hypodermic Needles 44
Crack Pipes 8
Ball Lightning 1
Spare Tires 3
Old Gum 16
Dinosaur Attacking Car 1
Ghosts 6
Places to Safely Fall Asleep 1
Fuckable Bottles 18

Sounds kind of scary when I put it that way. But like I said, I got through the experience mostly unharmed. Anyway, I'm off. Got to head on over to my architectural firm and find out if I still have a job. I'll let you know how it goes.