Cosmic Rust pt.III

When last we left off, the malevolent Megatron had been afflicted with the titular, and presumably poorly documented metallic malady, comic rust. One assumes that the stage has been set for an adventure featuring Megatron's quest for a cure. Let us not forget that the Decepticons also now have in their possession a powerful and ancient lightning bug, capable of terrible destructive potential, which no doubt also relates to said cure.

When we rejoin the episode, the focus has finally switched over to the relatively benign escapades of the Autobots. More specifically, we bear witness to some sort of assembly hall. A solitary human figure stands behind a podium on a stage, underneath a banner reading "National Scientific Achievement". Lending a decidely international flavour to the National Scientific Achievement procedings, are several large portraits behind this figure. Each one feature a famous landmark, such as the Eiffel Tower, the Washington Monument, and a few others which may include the Kremlin and/or the Taj Mahal. I'm pretty sure I see a couple of onion domes there, at least.

From our view, the auditorium is jam packed with unkempt hair and balding pates, which we must assume belong to the leading scientists of the nation/ world, suggesting a significant event is taking place here. Even only moderately attentive ears will discover the truth of this assumption as the voice over of the podium speaker announces "Usually, our Science Achievement Award goes to a human being. But this year, we are honoring Perceptor, the inventor of Corrostop."

This, really, should not come as much of a suprise. Since the Autobots are the heroes and stars of the show, it is only natural that they should be depicted winning recognition for their efforts. Also, it is a well known fact that, in cartoon universes, if a character can be neatly classified as a specialist of some kind like a "scientist", that character is:

- The only scientist on the team.
- An expert on every science and anything remotely similar to science, like magic and medicine.
- Not much good for anything not related to science.

The only exception to these rules is in toy based cartoons, when there is a toy of a "new scientist" character, who must then phase out the older scientist character. The best this old fellow can hope for is a swift and glorious death in battle. But all too often, the dishonor of being relegated to non-speaking, even non-moving, background appearances is what awaits these old heroes. Sometimes they even just disappear, all traces of their once noble existence washed away forever, "Crisis On Infinite Earths" style.

Perceptor is the current Autobot scientist, however, and has a long animated future ahead of him. For today, though, he is content to humbly accept the award bestowed apon him. "Thank you very much. This is an honor and a privilege."

Is it really, though? I imagine Perceptor must be well aware of humanities scientific achievements and how comparatively inferior they must seem to his own. It probably seems quite natural to him that these primitive apes should venerate what must appear to be a science god. Perhaps some false modesty is on display here. Unfortunately, the episode chooses to leave the issue of Perceptor's private thoughts unexplored.

Getting back on track, what is this Corrostop they were speaking of?

"Is it true that the Autobots plan to coat all of the earths great monuments with Corrostop?" Inquires the podium man, as Perceptor strides onto the stage. Suddenly, those portraits of the monuments actually make a little sense, which I, for one, was not anticipating.

"We'd like to, eventually. It will help preserve them forever." says the Autobot, casually admitting that preserving humanity's history isn't exactly a priority. Considering that he is speaking before a gathering of mankind's greatest brains, someone must have picked up on that insult. But what is Corrostop?

"As you know, Corrostop resists rust and corrosion, and it's stronger than any known metal."

Oh. Well, I didn't know that, actually. I guess what he's trying to say that what scientists call "Corrostop" is what writers call "Deus ex Machina". For non scientists and writers, what that is, is something that basically comes out of nowhere and just happens to do exactly what is necessary to solve the problem at hand. In this case, I think we've not only found the cure that Megatron desires, but also the only defense against the terrible threat of the lightning bug.

"Unfortunately, at this time, we only have enough Corrostop to coat one monument; The Statue of Liberty."

Now we see, for the first time, the sea of scientist's faces, who's expressions appear curiously blank and stupified. We also realise that not everyone in attendance is a purported genius when it is revealed to us that Spike Witwicky, and his girlfriend, Carly, are also in attendence. Spike is the son of a grease monkey called Sparkplug and the Autobot's chief ally among the humans. Carly is not known to have any family, but does have her own car. Anyway, their dull eyes and thin smiles suggest they are pleased to hear the Statue of Liberty will be first in line for the Corrostop treatment. Perceptor goes on to say "It's alloyed from a very rare element, so of course, we wouldn't want it's formula to be discovered by the Decepticons."

A sensible precaution, but presumably doomed to fail. We need to look no further than the next scene for evidence of this. Starscream walks towards Megatron, who is sitting on his bed in the shadows, with his back to us. "I just checked with the repair bay. Your replacement parts will be ready as soon as they get around to it." Starscream says matter-of-factly. This is quite a commentary on the condition of the Decepticon army, if Megatron's own well being does not command more urgency. Then again, perhaps Starscream himself arranged for this situation, though that is pure speculation at this point.

The suggestion is that Megatron is much the worse for wear here, with his back to us in the shadows and all.
He, at least, seems to find his condition quite urgent, and says so. "I need an expert. Order the Stunticons to seize Perceptor and bring him to me! Do as I say!"

Sounds serious! How serious? We'll find out next time!